One of them the identity crisis after marriage when one is in the possession of IDs for two countries. Not to mention differences between two cultures when addressing married couple on the mail.
Changing the name officially
After our wedding in Finland I learned that in US there is no single centralized system like in Finland (magistrate) to recognize the new last name (or address for that matter) and pass it on to all others instances.
The Finnish magistrate has taken care everything else except passport and driver's license. All possible instances have received the info (e.g. bank, post, etc.) that a) I live in US b) my last name has changed.
Passport I need to get renewed in person, since do not live in Finland. Which in my case means a passport a trip to New York, Washington or Los Angeles (long weekend trip...yeiiii!).
The driver's license I can renew only by visiting the police station in Finland in person.
For a while I kept going with the approach: part of the cards in the old name, part of the cards with the new name. But it got confusing....everytime when paying by card I had to check which one I had used, to ensure I sign it with the respective last name. Also if asked for IDs I had to keep in mind which name was on the card to hand over the right ID with the matching name. Yes....one easily gets to an identity crisis with that style.
Having busy work weeks conveniently made it somewhat impossible to get too much into the process of getting the name changed to all necessary directions here.
Despite that US style presents somewhat challenges to get anything done fast, I had enough of living under two identities. So, I took on the one woman mission to end it and find my new self...even on the cards and IDs :)
Once I started listing the most important ones...it became obvious that I need nearly a whole day to take care even just 2 places. Social security and driver's license meant waiting in the line for hours. Texas department of public safety, which administrates the whole driver's license process as well...is one of the most occupied places, right after the social security office.
At this point I had already though the Green Card with my new name....but like said, no centralized approach.
Before Christmas I decided to take care most...since before Christmas the lines cannot be that long. Little did I know...3 hours at social security office, then decent drive to Texas department of public safety and another hour there.
On the plus side though, one can make on-line appointment to renew the driver's license, which I did once I was done at the social security office. Most of the waiting time was used for me driving there, then filling in the form. This kind of on-line appointment system would be necessary to all public sector offices. It makes the "hanging around in the line" vanish.
I kept hearing, while standing in the lines, that some ladies had waited even for 2 years before getting the last name changed officially. While standing in those lines.... I totally understood why they delayed the process.
What surprised me though was that at work I was able to change my name throughout all the HR and e-mail, etc. without needing to show any official papers. That would not have worked that easily in Finland. Now my new initials at work are I KING :) I like it!
Receiving mail
The other funny difference between Finland and US is how I get addressed on the mail after marriage. For an independent woman like myself, who was raised in highly gender equal environment...the traditional US style did cause the steam coming out of my ears in the beginning. Now I just mostly chuckle about it and tell my husband: "There is some mail for you."
Namely the US style to address a married couple is mainly either Mr. and Mrs. "Husband's First and Last Name" or Husband's name first and then Wife's name. This style was clearly invented few hundred years ago.
I thought it was funny contradiction to the saying "ladies first" till I did the research and got to know that the saying comes originally from Europe. Never mind then :)
Addressing a household by Finns (or by other Europeans or Singaporeans) traditionally puts the female's name first and then the husband's name. I sometimes put the husband's name first if it rhymes nicer that way around (and I know the lady of the household would not mind).
Or one addresses the whole family e.g. "Family XYZ". The background in Finland is valuing highly the gender equality and in many cases one follows the European etiquette: "Ladies first".
While writing this, I am smiling and thinking back to our wedding day...my motto was: " Queen for the day, KING for the rest of my life" :) As I will, so mote it be.
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