Family planning - Finnish "nature child" style meets American $ analysis

When one forms a family with different cultural backgrounds, there are lot of peculiar things...which for couples / families of same cultural heritage, would not even come to discussion. All cases result to laughter, sooner or later :)

During my journey in settling to US it has been really interesting to learn how family planning differs in US versus to what I have learned previously from my close friends and family in Finland.
It may be that my perception from how things work in Finland may not be completely accurate, since I have actually not been doing any family planning while I was living in Finland. It was a dream...but for me it meant first things first, to find a partner for life :)
While waiting for my partner for life to "show up", I was focusing on my career, being a great aunt to my nephews and appreciating the time with my friends. As well as being active in sports.

Yet I do trust that having lived the pregnancies of my close friends and my sister-in-law and daily life of my god-daughters and nephews...my perception and opinion formed based on those experience is not completely "bumping into the pine tree" (Finnish saying when something goes wrong, "mennä päin mäntyä").

Family planning, as I see it from my perspective, in the very simple Finnish style is:
Do we want to have kids?
Yes...okay, then we shall have kids.
- End of planning-

See the visualization to the right - example of key things in a Finnish adult's perspective, e.g. myself. Key area, which need to be checked and balanced throughout the journey of adulthood.

Sometimes kids also just happen, despite one trying to delay the timing...which makes the previous planning part part non-existent. Sometimes they may make the parents wait for a while till the child shows up. That is the magical world of mother nature.

Statistically in Finland this means two kids in average per household. There are of course exceptions, families with 1 child or families with 3 children. In most cases, 3 children family is considered "big".

I have never heard, nor thought myself, that money would relate to the decision of whether or not to have a family in any possible way.
Generally the thinking among my friends and family have been that if one wants to have kids, one will have kids. What comes to money, one will always manage. One way or the other. But money has never been the influence factor for the decision making.

It is more about whether both parties are ready to tie themselves to the kid(s) and adjust their whole life. Also one tends to be thinking more how to balance work and family, especially if support network is not existing close by. This depends case by case, if both parents have a job where they need to travel or do shift work, one starts planning how to organize that after maternity leave / parenting / care taking leave.

Yes, we actually have maternity leave in Finland...and it is not called disability leave, like in US. It is really pure maternity leave. It lasts 105 work days, after which one can take parenting leave, after which you can take care taking leave...pretty much up till the point, when the child is 3 years old.

So, summarizing my view: there are bunch of things one may think through but money is not on the list as decision making factor, nor when one wants to retire.

So, how did the family planning go here in US.....
Luckily my husband is the finance minister of the family. He just loves doing the financial planning, which I am very happy about. Based on my observation so far, in most US families and during one's education, microeconomics seems to be common subject to select and practice.

I had my financial excel sheet too but it was nothing compared to the tools and reports my husband prepares on regular basis. I gladly took the role of Secretary of State of our family, and gave the Finance minister role to my more mathematical half.

So, one weekend (of torture) all the finances were pulled together. As-is situation was prepared by my husband and then he made an estimate, what it would mean if we have kids. Bottom line us living on one salary for a while.
That was a tough weekend for me....my brain could not bend to understand why are even considering the finances as the baseline for any decision when it has to do with whether or not we want to start trying to have kids.

It was really valuable cultural experience though. I learned to understand how many people view the decision of having kids. Through the process and number twisting I got educated that for some people retiring early weighs more on the scale when one gets to the point in relationship, when discussing whether or not to have children.

In Finland the factors, which influence decision making are everything else but that, based on the knowledge I have from the circle of my friends (see the first picture). So, during that weekend it was great experience for both of us. My husband learned about my (very Finnish) approach and I learned how some people may approach the planning in US.

After recovering from the shock, the result of the estimation: we will be "poor" when we have kids. I started to understand the benefits of such exercise. We know exactly what will be the monthly budget and what kind of changes it means compared to the situation we have today. We identified also the concrete areas, which are the ones, where the changes should occur. Which helped us already to start getting to the right mindset.

Luckily, my husband being with his behavior and thinking very much like a Finn....to conclusion of the exercise was: agree to live with the knowledge that we will be "poor" from financial perspective for some years but emotionally rich, when having a family. Pheeewwwww......... :)

The little Finnish things in Houston

I have noticed since moving to Houston a funny behavior in myself. It seems that when ever I live outside Finland the Finn in me raises its head more than during the years when I have lived in Finland. I lived, before moving here, 7 years in Finland and prior to that 12 years abroad (Germany, Singapore and Belgium). 

I guess in Finland all that "Finnishness" is part of daily life and getting the typical Finnish products e.g. rye bread, nobody thinks twice about those, as you can get those anywhere. Even the smallest village shop is well stocked with dozen different fresh rye bread brands. Same goes for sauna, everyone has sauna and it is part of the daily life (I will blog more about that separately). 

When you move abroad, suddenly the whole daily life gets extreme make over. One needs to rethink what one can find and where. Weeks were spent, this time around with the help of my American family and husband, to find what my husband calls my "comfort foods". In my case it helped that my husband lived in Finland for a while and a year with me. He knows exactly what Finnish daily life looks like.

It has been a positive experience though. In my opinion everyone should move abroad at least once in their life. For me it has been each time rewarding experience, even though the beginning is always tough to find ones way around in the new place.

What it has done to me though;

I have stopped taking things or people for granted and learned to appreciate things in Finland, which I did not even pay attention before. On the other hand from each country I have lived, I have taken new ideas and habits with me, able to recognize that there are some things which we are way behind in Finland or able to see things here in US, which would be in need of checking how other countries are doing it. I consider it a richness to be able to get deep into foreign countries' culture and melt as part of the local culture with my Finnish & international quirks :)

There are certain things though, which I try to keep with me, no matter where I live. Wanted to list some of them below and also tips or places in Houston / Internet, which help to keep the Finn in me content :) Maybe other Finns around Houston find these useful too.

Finnish Hairdresser / http://www.mikkosalons.com/

Might sound silly but most Finns (and Swedes too) have very different hair type than e.g. Germans, Belgians, Asians or Americans. It is thin but there is plenty of it and it bends / curls all directions.

When I moved here I was lucky enough to hear through a friend that there is a Finnish hairdresser in Springs, Mikko. Here some people might wonder, why on earth would I drive all the way to Springs for hair cut (it means about 45 - 60 min drive one way). I do it gladly when I know that my hair is cut by someone who know exactly how to cut it. My mother was hard core professional hair dresser and taught me to be picky about my hair. Plus now the hair cut is not just a hair cut, it gives a chance to speak Finnish and compare experiences in US. Mikko has lived here 12 years and has given me lot of good tips along the way.

Xylitol Chewing Gum

Having grown up in environment, where xylitol is part of daily life since child and importance of dental care starts from early years.

It was a relief to notice that Americans have actually gotten away from the sugar chewing gums and more sugar free chewing gum exists, which have xylitol. One can find main brands in any grocery store. My issue with some of main stream brands was though that I got some kind of allergic reaction.

After searching for a while I noticed that health food stores sell xylitol products, which do not cause any reactions. One good one is Spry, several flavors and available in most health food stores, as well as online.

I still remember when living in Singapore, where chewing gum in general is banned from being sold commercially. I had to "smuggle"boxes of chewing gum from each trip to Finland. That lead often to interesting discussions with customs. "Mam, you are certain that these 10 boxes of chewing gum are for your personal use only?" Luckily each time I was able to convince them that I really am "addicted to xylitol chewing gum".

Rye Bread

I have not found anything even close to my favorite rye bread, Reissumies. Yet there are luckily good selection of German rye breads (Thanks to all the German communities in town...Danke!!!).

Best places to find rye bread, which actually is rye bread (several US produces claim something to be rye bread, yet rye is the last ingredient on the list):

- Fun fact for those who did not know it from before, the ingredients are listed in the descending order of how much of that ingredient is in the product -

Phoenicia has good selection of German rye bread and dried rye bread (näkkileipä in Finnish).

Following chains have generally good selections:

Trader Joe's

Specs

Whole Foods

Ikea

But like said, one cannot get the Finnish rye bread like bread. Thus I decided to bake Finnish Archipelago bread. In Finland this would be nothing no big news. Here getting all the ingredients together was the most exhausting part. Kroger, Whole Foods and Central Market have good quality rye flour. The trickies one was finding malted rye and it took us few weeks to find a place....as we had to go to a hobby beer brewing shop to get it :)
Defalgo's has German malted rye, which is very close to Finnish malted rye.

I found this recipe, which helped me to find local equivalent to the ingredients, which one would use in Finland: Finnish Archipelago Bread

Those living Houston, happy to make some extra ones in my lil' home bakery when ever I bake, if I know that there would be demand for some.

Cheese

Finnish Edam cheese is not yet available here but Valio does have a daughter company in US, Finlandia Cheese.

One can find Finlandia's cheese in most of the chains listed above. Houston being international hub, decent cheese selections are available in most stores (also at HEB, Fiesta and Walmart). In most places cheese costs as much as it does in Finland...unfortunately.

Maybe Finlandia would start producing Edam if they get enough requests.

For many foreigners Finnish Edam may, with its taste, reflect the nature of most Finns, silent and does not say much. But that cheese goes with anything :)

So far the only way to get Edam cheese is to fill the suitcase with Valio Edam and stock them in the freezer. If I only would not forget the cheese pile to my brother's fridge....which happened during last trip. FOUR kilos of Edam cheese, which I forgot to pack when heading to airport in the crack of dawn.

Finnish Goodies

I have found Panda liquorice in Fiesta.

World Market has Haribo selections and other salmiak (salty liquorice) similar products. My advice is though to stay away though from the Dutch Salty Liquorice products....they are nothing but salt.

Fazer chocolate.... there would be huge market for it here. Fazer chocolate is refreshingly different compared to any US, Belgian, German or Swiss chocolate. It is not as thick and the different flavors are yammi. Right now only places one can get them here are internet stores:

Willy's Products

Suomikauppa

FinnStyle

Some of those stores run out the best products fast and prices reflect that you are buying luxury import goods. But definitely worth buying!!! It takes your tongue with it (Finnish saying), so smooth and yammi.

We were lucky to get from ex-project colleagues at Fazer 16 kilos of chocolate for our wedding, as their wedding present to us. The whole 16 kilos was eaten too! What stayed over from wedding disappeared during mid-summer with the core family. The whole American side of the family fell in love with Fazer chocolates :)

Vihi vihi vihi and greetings to family and friends back in Finland or who have access to Reissumies rye bread and Fazer Chocolate...do not hesitate if you ever want to surprise me with a survival package ;))))

Happy to hear from the other Finns in Houston if there are some other good places to get our comfort foods.

Funniest person in The world....is a Finn!!!!

This week I came across with a funny news indeed....world's funniest person is a Finn!
Ismo Leikola, who is a Finnish comedian and been working hard to get his jokes to reach audience outside the Finnish borders as well. He won the Funniest person of the world-competition, which was organized in US by Laugh Factory (http://www.laughfactory.com/).

Nice that Finns make this break through on US ground, as otherwise one tends to refer to us as more serious and silent folk, mainly referring to the Finnish male representatives. My beloved big brother, who means the world to me and has always been in many ways my idol. He fits often many of those categories. I used to joke that for his 50th birthday I can take his mobile phone off, cause he would not have any use for it. That statement I have had to take back though....as the result of our American side of the family  (all being in Facebook). He finally got into Facebook and has surprised all by being very active.
Also for our wedding he really broke all the rules of Finnish male....he laughed, cried and not silent at all. I enjoyed seeing him so happy at my wedding. One of the many memories, which I hold dear from that day.

My brother breaking the ice and Ismo winning the competition does not change the whole nation to being funny people over night but it reminds that Finnish humor can succeed e.g. in US and when done well, it translates well also to English.

Also I think Ismo's humour is funny just because he allows the Finnish style to come through. Talking in the normal style (intonations are tough to recognized), rather as-matter-of-a-fact style to express things and very minimum body language. Yet he is making some of the best jokes I have heard for a long time. I admit having checked the same video several times, cause it makes me laugh with tears in my eyes. It just simply hits the laugh nerves without giving any heads up, mostly so that one does not even notice it until afterwards. You become aware few seconds in delay that you have been laughing about his joke. It kind of sneaks up on you.

Here is the link to Helsingin Sanomat (Finnish national newspaper), which shows Ismo's performance in English at the Laugh Factory finals. Take time to watch it....you will find youself laughing :)

http://www.hs.fi/kulttuuri/a1414385339674
The videos shows only Ismo's performance at the finals.

All finalist videos: http://www.laughfactory.com/IsmoLeikola
(Ismo's performance starts around 17 minutes into the clip)